5am Gym People

I will never be among your ranks, 5am Gym People.

I had to pose as one of you today. It was unpleasant.

The pool was closed last night because someone threw up in it. So I had to go to the gym in the morning, because I couldn’t go after work tonight.

I got to the gym at 5:15. But it was too late. Because of you.

The 5am Gym People.

I looked around and wondered, why are all of you here right now?

I waited for an hour to get a lane, but I never could. Because the 5am Gym People are intense.

One of them was kind enough to offer to share a cute little lane with me, but I declined. I can’t swim straight. I’m just being honest. I’m not a 5am Gym Person, and I can’t swim straight.

I also can’t do anything other than swim because of whatever I did to my knee. It’s becoming less weird to injure myself. I’m not sure what that says about my life.

I told my boss “Good morning” at 4:30pm in an e-mail, and had to explain…

I got up at 5am today. I tried to be a 5am Gym Person. But I’m not. I think we can all see that now.

He told me I should throw up in the pool tomorrow morning, so the 5am Gym People will clear out.

And you know what?

I’m not above it.



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