You Had Me At Wasteland

I think I sometimes put Jesus in a bottle. I know that is not how the expression usually goes.

He’s really good. He does good things, and says good things, and gives good gifts. And turns bad things into good things.

I ask for a lot of good things. Like, really good things. Not like end-world-hunger type things. Not even help-me-pay-my-bills type things. But patience, and peace, and hope, and rest. Those things.

But Jesus is not a genie. Jesus is Life.

He doesn’t just give peace. He is peace. He doesn’t just provide rest. He is rest.

Somewhere in all this stripping away of everything that I have and am, that is what I keep hearing. Jesus is Life.

I can’t tell left from right. Up from down. I can’t make decisions, or think through things. Sometimes all I can see as a potential outcome is more soul-crushing, unpleasant reality. So my non-decisions become decisions. I don’t know what I want, and what I don’t want.

I am the Way.

My mind used to be a steel trap of logic and reason. I could be practical, and responsible. I made good decisions. I took care of myself that way. Now, I ponder and doubt and get confused. Disappointing and discouraging life experience allows fear to color my thinking. But fear just makes crap up. Fear doesn’t know what will happen to me. Fear only guesses. And not usually on the side of hope.

I am the Truth.

And now on top of everything else, I think I am losing my mind. I did not realize I relied so much on my mind. I did not know I felt it was all I had going for me, until it started slipping. I’ve always been able to shield people from the crazy and the surly disposition by telling funny jokes. I protected myself with my mind. I tricked people into being my friend with my mind. Who will want to be around a broken humpty dumpty shell of an emotion-filled non-robot human type person?

I am the Life.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me.

Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you
.

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland
.

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