Learn All the Words, Internet

– I have to say that I am having the most amazing fitness week of my life. Not because I’m suddenly fit. But because I suddenly feel encouraged. A friend randomly texted* me and asked if I wanted to plan to meet her three mornings a week at the gym, because she saw me there in the morning. Once. Because I’ve tried going in the morning, and I hate the morning. I think I may have mumbled something about that to her on my way out. So tomorrow will be the third morning that I have woken up at 5am to go to the gym, of all places. The only other place I have been to at 5am is the bathroom. Additionally, my personal trainer little sister sent me a fitness plan, complete with videos. I wasn’t born knowing how to do a radiobrachialis. Also, I made a calendar with my exercise goals on it. Every time I complete them, I get to cross it out. This matters.

– I accidentally made a joke, which is the best way to amuse myself. This will be the fourth telling of the joke, and it will not be the last. I am onto the slicing stage of making my family cookbook. I borrowed a paper slicer from a friend. And I said, “Thank you. Now I can slice my heart out.” But, wait, that sounds like something different! It sounds like I want to slice my actual heart out! But I don’t. So now it’s a joke.

– This is hard to explain, since it’s not exactly science. I have an unintentional mantra that I repeat to myself all the time. It’s not good. It’s not like, “You can do it, Allison. Go get ’em!” It’s more like, “You are weird, and you annoy everyone around you.” It’s not actually that. But it might as well be that. And I just say it to myself, over and over. It’s like a habit, and it’s not something I do consciously. Whenever life is uncomfortable, I say it. I’ve been telling Jesus that I need a new mantra. Something more chipper, like, “You’re sexy and you know it.” So, anyway, I was walking down a hallway today. I was thinking about something that would normally prompt the mantra. This is the part that is hard to explain: Instead of my mantra, I heard, “I love you.” Stated forcefully, so that the mantra couldn’t be spoken. I actually stopped in my tracks for a second. It was my voice, because it’s my mind. But I wasn’t saying it to me, or to anyone else. I’m just telling you what I heard.

*Texted should be a recognized word at this point in history, but I still get the squiggly line of correction when I type it. Internet, you (of all people) should know that “texted” is a word.


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