TireGuy: Here are your keys. We patched your tire, and we’re all done.
Me: How much do I owe you?
TireGuy: Nothing. It’s free.
Me: This is my new favorite place! Can you also fix the crack in my windshield for free?
TireGuy: No, we specialize in tires.
Everyone dressed in football jerseys at work today.
Coworker: I’m wearing red for [I already forgot the name of her team]! They are my favorite!
Me: I’m wearing a Belmont sweatshirt. They don’t have a football team. But if they did, it would be the best team. They would beat all the other teams. And they would win all of the games. And if they lost, it would only be because the referee made a bad call.
Coworker: Yeah, Belmont is…a really great school. They are great.
I think that keeping up with amusing other people can be kind of exhausting. But lately no one has been the least bit amused by me. It’s kind of nice, in a way. The pressure is off. I don’t have to be hilarious. So I can just say things outloud. Any things that I want.
And I’m going to.